Well today is worse than yesterday. Went to the doctors this morning and I have been put up to 30mg of Citalopram. I also discussed hypnotherapy with the doctor, she seemed to know little about it but thought it was worth a go.
In my mind today I have just given up and I don’t see the point anymore, this torture is not worth going through. Even if I am better in a year I can’t handle this for a year. It is agonising and soul destroying. I will never be back to me. I will never be able to put this behind me. This has beat me and destroyed who I was!
I spoke to my Mam earlier which does help but I am starting to get annoyed at people telling me its ok…. It’s not!!!!!! And saying you will find a job it’s not just that!!! I am lost!!!! The old me is no more. The old me will never come back, this has destroyed me, this has killed me. I am a shadow of who I was and there is no piece of me left. No piece to salvage, no piece to save. My body is living on but my mind is dead, my body may as well follow.
Just about to get ready for work, I am just a bum sat here, done some work for no reason, watched TV, ignored people. What is going on I think I may as well just concede to this life! And this is the way that I will feel forever.