After watching a programme on mental health on ITV ‘i took my babies life’ it made me feel scared. Scared of how it can affect you and am I already predisposed to this as a weakness and will it happen again. Why did it happen to me???? Why am i in this situation that I am in because of it. I am doing nothing!!! And I am a failure because of it??? This sounds like depression is back but I fee like I am in complete control of what I am saying and more importantly thinking. I am just a nobody in life at the minute, wishing days weeks months to pass to get to the next day week or month. but for what just to dwell on my life as it is some more. This has without doubt knocked me for 6! I need to break free of this and get back to my normal self and not worry about what others might think of me who dont know how I was, how close I have been to the brink! I am a bit confused at the minute with where my life is going and what I am supposed to be doing!
I feel that depression came at a really bad time for myself… this got me thinking does depression ever come at a good time?? And if it did ever come at a good point why woudl you be depressed… what i mean is i was so near the end of something and this stopped me in my tracks is this a reoccuring problem?? Looking back I dont think there was ever a good point for me to get depression, I have been busy with education and academia but is this alwasy going to be the case will there ever be a point in anyones life who look back and say if I had to be depressed I was glad it was at that period in life…. I think not.
The only time I think this could happen is if you were care free had no responsabilities and were relaxing in life then maybe you could afford to be depressed. This would never happen if it is a stress caused depression.
This article is something which I stumbled upon by doing a few searches in google and came across some search history that I did while i was struggling with depression. I thought I should share them with you and if you recognise them with something you are going through now then my refelction on these searches may help you to see what the truth is and not what the depression is making you feel.
I am depressed and bringing everyone else down with me!
With this search it was all about guilt and wanting to be alone, wanting to deal with it alone with out anyone else going through what I was. I thought my mood and feelings were making everyones life hell, in fairness they were but not because they hated me but because they wanted me to get better.
I think this was my most common search term mainly out of desperation and wanting for an immediate cure, now I know this does not exist. The main ones that I kept on coming across were changes in lifestyle and going on medication. Both for me were hard to do as lifestyle changes were hard to come by as my nutrition and habits were ok, in my opinion. For anyone else searching for beating depression and find this website stop anything you are doing and recover, time is a great healer and this will heal your mind. Medication can also help the process.
How to commit suicide without hurting anyone
This was when I was at my lowest and looking for a way out, I wasnt that bothered about myself at the time and therefore the thing stopping me was the reprocussions of what would happen to everyone else when im gone. Anyone in the same situation should maybe do the same and think about people you know and how they would feel there will always be a void you leave .
Recent weeks have been the most difficult for me since my recovery this is because it is getting to the point where I need start going again with life, I have been ok?? for 2 months now and feel like I have had my rest and now is the time life should be back to normal.
It has been 7 months since I first realised I was depressed and the life treadmill has been continuously rolling whilst I have been straddling the sides and not moving. This make me feel bad in so many ways the fact that I am not where I should be and I am not able to jump back on the treadmill at the same speed I was going at previously (quite a vivid image if you can picture jumping on and flying off the back of the treadmill). Perhaps this isnt a bad thing this learning to walk before I can run maybe the key to getting on track but it is a scary thought and something I am finding hard to do.
I wish that treadmill woul stop for a chance of full recovery, but I suppose that it doesnt matter at what speed I get back to life, its better than where it was a few months back.
The stigma surrounding mental health, in paticular depression, is something which haunts me and as a sufferer who does not fit into any seretypically depressed person, I want to try and get rid of this.
As the title suggests this post will discuss the problems with being young, fit (relatively) and depressed. So the first point of call people ask you is; are you overweight, how much do you drink, do you smoke and do you do exercise. These are reasonable questions as they can all cause some aspect of depression. However, for me I had a fairly positive response for all of these, I am not overweight, I drink but not very much, I dont smoke, and I do more exercise than the average person, I think. So any fixes where my lifestyle could be changed were proving hard to find. So anyone who thinks depression is for people who don’t lead a healthy lifestyle is wrong. There are many examples of this in the celebrity world who have come out as a sufferer of depression. I will be covering more of these people in a later post.
So maybe the cause is much more a psychological problem or a causal problem than a lifestyle problem, and no-one can predict or observe psychological problems or predict something which can cause depression. This shows the fact that it can happen to anyone!!