This post is really about how my feelings and thoughts have been over the last few weeks. I get the feeling my thoughts are still in a routine of negative thinking and that they are in the habit even though i know i am not suffering from depression anymore.
An easy example for you to relate to this would be when you are about to go to sleep and you have a few thoughts mainly organising thoughts and thoughts that you want to make things clear in your head for the next day ot from events from the previous day. I have these but…. I also have the thoughts that are a product from my depression and these are suicidal ones which I dont believe I should be having and ones I know are only thoughts!!! they are mainly ones which I think are to release some pain such as stabbing my self! this bring me onto my next feeling over the last few weeks SHAME!!!
I feel ashamed of who I am and who I have become from my depression!! I am embarassed to be in the position I am and ashamed of the man I have become! I have never felt this way, I was/am a proud person and i find myself with nothing to be proud of and only things to be ashamed of. Will I ever be happy with myself again. As I have said in my previous posts is this because I held myself too highly before and in such good stead that this has been my own comeuppance for been too happy and content with life??? I wish this had never happened but it has and I need to stop dwelling and deal with it, but before that I need to et out of these thought habits and return to my old self.