So today I woke up and like normal not wanting to get out of bed. If i don’t stay here then I won’t be missed and time will not pass. But I am wrong, it does pass. Time doesn’t wait for anyone, especially not me to get better. I get out of bed and straight away make the decision I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t see the point and I just dread seeing or speaking to anyone because I am embarrassed this is getting worse. This isn’t me. I rang a hypnotherapist to try something else to see if this will work. I am not to sure but if this doesn’t work i don’t know what I will do. I have all but given up and have come to the realisation now that this is me and I will not get better because I am not ill!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want it to be over and I just want to escape any form of thinking or facing things. This is just me is it? The low life who just wants to avoid and be a bum and live off other pople. Is that what I want to do?? It feels like I do, feels like I am just looking for the easy life which doesn’t exist. I don’t feel any worth, such a sense of despair. As everyone gets on with life I sit and worry about whether this will be the day I leave.
Where has my passion, drive and enthusiasm gone? If this is it then there certainly is no point in carrying on! As I sit here I wonder were will I be in 6 months? And I honestly don’t see any path, I don’t see any future, I don’t see any point.
I bring nothing to life, so insignificant and will be forgotten in time, so why carry on in this agony and fight for there to be no end, for there to be no light and no chance of reviving what I once was.
As expected same old thing happened again… nice tea sit down and it is now 8:45 and have been sat for 2 hours mulling over what is the point in life??? To enjoy it?? To live each day as if its your last??? Well I’m certainly doing neither so is there any point carrying on?????